I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize