There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think i got beer on your cat.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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