do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
