if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
