Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize