i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
