Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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