i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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