i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
