sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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