farters have to be the big spoon...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
