If i come over, it means nothing
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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