if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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