Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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