I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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