ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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