Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
