2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
