Got a toothbrush?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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