Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As shirtless as possible
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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