It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
