The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
