Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
