I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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