i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
