He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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