Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
