My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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