There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
