wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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