My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
