Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
