I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
