woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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