The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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