a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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