she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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