he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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