Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
