I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
