He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
