he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
