what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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