fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
