anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize