Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
