My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
