Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
