At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
