Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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