so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
