Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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