I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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