Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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