Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
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Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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