dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
