I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
