this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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