Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
