i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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