Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
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I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that