I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.