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Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
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