Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before