Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
