His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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